My "Expert" Opinion on Why Marriages Tank

Being married isn't easy. Perhaps this is why over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The statistics get even higher when people make second and third attempts at conquering the beast. Every year the "experts" publish their theories of why couples can't make marriages work. As a married person, I'm always interested in gathering information about this sad phenomenon so at the very least I can strengthen my own union. While scientific studies on marriage may have the facts and figures of relationships calculated, they often lack heart. I read these overly complex research projects and wonder where the people are. In all the frustration of reading graduate students' dissertations on life and love, I decided to put together my own list of the top three reasons why marriages tank. There's no science behind it, just my own observations as a married person, which by default makes me an expert. Doesn't it?

3. "We are not who we said we were." In the dating world, our objective is to always put our best foot forward. Often times this means lying. "Oh, I love cooking" or "I'm an avid traveller." These little lies paint a great picture for our potential mate, but ultimately they are marrying someone they don't fully know. While dating is about good impressions, marriage is about being real. You want to be with someone who loves you for you...the real you, not the creation you presented on the first date. When people discover they are in love with the fictional character, not their spouse, they start looking for the exit door.

2. "Over thinking." Life is much simpler than we make it. We get caught up in the fast paced, over the top, strategic planning whirlwind sold to us by society. As a result, "yes" no longer means "yes" and "no" no longer means "no." We receive and transmit hidden meanings in our tones and non-verbal responses. Instead of admitting we are totally confused, we problem solve. We use misinterpretations and imaginary situations to concoct the story we think our spouse is sharing. We over think and ultimately "wrong think." Eventually, wrong thinking unravels the fabric of a relationship. We don't understand each other anymore and wonder if we ever did. The only clear concept we can communicate is "good-bye."

1. "Change of Heart." Whether it's "I want to be a trapeze artist in a lesbian circus" or "I want a woman with bigger breasts" a change in a person's vision for their future and/or future partner can end a relationship. When two people get married, they make certain stated and unstated agreements. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health is really just the beginning. Partners make agreements regarding where they will be located, their career path, and their sexual desires. When one team member decides that arrangement is no longer satisfactory, the agreement is altered or broken. For some, this means the contract is void and the marriage is over. The "I didn't sign up for this" mentality defeats love.

In the end, it all comes down to a personal choice. Do you stay in a situation that doesn't suit you anymore or do you move on to the next set of variables? While pursuing a new partner may seem like the easy answer the scientific data I vowed not to refer to in this blog, states that you may be on the market again before you know it. So what's the right answer? I have no clue. If I did, I would not be a measly blogger, I'd be on Larry King!