Showing Your Behind

When I was a child, my dad had a favorite saying if I was misbehaving in public. Right as I crossed the line he'd always say, "stop showing your behind!" Okay, I'm lying. He would say "ass" but to make this a family friendly forum, I'm going to pretend he said, "behind." Anyway, I always thought this was funny because I can't recall an occasion during my formative years where I actually exposed my derriere, but friends and family do write in if I need to be corrected. Even though my hind parts were safely hidden inside my pants, I knew exactly what he meant when he made the statement. "Showing your behind", is when you expose a side of yourself that should be covered. It also just so happens to be the side that's full of another word he used often. (For the sake of keeping this family friendly, we'll use "poo" for that word.)

As I got older and did not hear this phrase as often anymore, it still never lost its relevance. I live in Manhattan now and if I had a penny for every time I saw people showing their behinds (literally and figuratively), I would be rubbing elbows with Trump. It seems that people here have a knack for bringing their ugliest behaviors out into the streets. "Behind showing" is an epidemic and it must be stopped.

Recently, I was selected to be a contestant on a game show. For fear they will take the money I didn't win, I will refrain from sharing any details that may reveal the network or show. Even if I were so bold as to name names, I would have nothing bad to say about any of the sponsors of this event. I was treated very well and enjoyed the experience greatly. This example of "behind showing" is about a fellow contestant (or non-contestant as the case may be since neither of us actually graced the stage).

This "behind shower" teetered between hot and cold during all the pre-show activities. He was quite good looking, so I focused my attention on his finely tuned instrument instead of the sour notes that emerged from it. We all knew when the show started that some of us would not ever leave the waiting area. It was nerve racking, but such is life. Sometimes you make it to the big game and have to sit on the bench. Suck it up, move on, and enjoy cheering for those who are playing.

Well this guy didn't share my "get over it" attitude. He made it up in his mind that he was going to show his behind. First he started telling us why he thought he wasn't selected. He assumed that his cockiness kept him moving forward. Then he went on a tirade about how much money he could have made if he had not come out for this. Finally, he gave the production team a nasty tongue lashing. It was ugly and unnecessary. Not only did he show his behind, he spread his cheeks to display what was inside.

Behind showers of the world, let me assure you that those who view your nasty backsides exposed tell others. Unlike this family friendly, legally responsible blog, we share your name, hometown, and web link to your personal photos. Eventually, you will apply for a job or another show and wonder why you got the cold shoulder. It will not be because of your cockiness or your daily earning potential, but rather the result of a highly organized verbal campaign against your unsavory behavior. You will be stopped!!!

Log on tomorrow for more tales of "behind showing" and other great adventures.